You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
