I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
