I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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