a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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