He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
