I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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