trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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