Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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