He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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