I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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