I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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