Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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