Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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