we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
