She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
