I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
