so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
