Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
