Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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