I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
