I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
