the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
