Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
