Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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