I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
