I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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