when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
