At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Success! We fucked roommates!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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