Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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