if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
no, he came in my armpit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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