Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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