I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
