my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
