trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
that's an acceptable place to lick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
