chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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