yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
