I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
