All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
