My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
