I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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