i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
