I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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