its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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