Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize