I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
