can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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