I should be sponsored by Trojan
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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