Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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