remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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