Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
