I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
