PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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