hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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