I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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