Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
