i jhust puked up my retainher.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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