this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
