There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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