Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
