I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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