Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
