Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
