My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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