she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
