I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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